Modern Prophecies

After the 2015 assault weapons ban, gun crimes stayed about the same, but victims of gun crimes...

Thu, 15 Nov 2012 19:42:57 -0500

After the 2015 assault weapons ban, gun crimes stayed about the same, but victims of gun crimes reported that the guns they were being shot with looked a lot less scary.

In 2017 it will be revealed that Fox News is actually the worlds greatest form of satire and is...

Thu, 15 Nov 2012 19:29:00 -0500

In 2017 it will be revealed that Fox News is actually the worlds greatest form of satire and is secretly run by a hipster named Leopold from a small apartment in Portland. None of its viewer-base will understand this and will scoff it off as liberal media bias.

In 2031 we will finally find life on mars. The creatures will look remarkably like David Bowie.

Thu, 15 Nov 2012 19:20:20 -0500

In 2031 we will finally find life on mars. The creatures will look remarkably like David Bowie.

In 2050 gun control will be an even more serious issue, but by then will have gained sentience and...

Thu, 15 Nov 2012 19:14:41 -0500

In 2050 gun control will be an even more serious issue, but by then will have gained sentience and we will be merely trying to stop them from overthrowing our government and using us as a slave race.

I am now taking requests, so ask away.

Mon, 30 Jul 2012 03:36:21 -0400

The AI behind Siri will go on to become the first Terminator, but luckily it will be easily...

Sun, 29 Jul 2012 13:52:49 -0400

The AI behind Siri will go on to become the first Terminator, but luckily it will be easily Jailbroken.

The rising level of social awkwardness will actually be revealed to be a form of population control...

Sun, 29 Jul 2012 01:51:53 -0400

The rising level of social awkwardness will actually be revealed to be a form of population control spread by the US government.

By 2016, Hipster irony will become so strong that they will just be wearing normal clothes like...

Wed, 04 Jul 2012 22:01:11 -0400

By 2016, Hipster irony will become so strong that they will just be wearing normal clothes like everyone else.

By 2031, Honkie will actually be a legitimate racial slur, but only when referring to clowns.

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 23:32:34 -0400

By 2031, Honkie will actually be a legitimate racial slur, but only when referring to clowns.

When we finally do have a war with Canada, most of the deaths on our side will be due to Bears and...

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 23:30:37 -0400

When we finally do have a war with Canada, most of the deaths on our side will be due to Bears and Poutine.

In 2021, the people of Cuba will finally have a Democratic government and start to prosper as a...

Tue, 08 May 2012 02:44:44 -0400

In 2021, the people of Cuba will finally have a Democratic government and start to prosper as a nation. Unfortunately, it’s entire population will be wiped out in Hurricane Fidel the following year.

Due to strict copyright laws and government website blocking, those who wish to pirate media...

Tue, 08 May 2012 02:37:00 -0400

Due to strict copyright laws and government website blocking, those who wish to pirate media efficiently will be forced to set sail in the high seas to access a large media server on a local network located on a garbage barge somewhere in the Pacific ocean.

In 2035 we will see the second coming of John Lennon. People will think he is Jesus and we’ll...

Thu, 03 May 2012 13:25:37 -0400

In 2035 we will see the second coming of John Lennon. People will think he is Jesus and we’ll all have a good laugh about it afterwards.

Skynet will go online when iPhone users finally become self-aware.

Mon, 30 Apr 2012 22:34:00 -0400

Skynet will go online when iPhone users finally become self-aware.

Though still not technically criminals, by 2015 those who use the term YOLO will be publicly shunned...

Mon, 30 Apr 2012 18:04:49 -0400

Though still not technically criminals, by 2015 those who use the term YOLO will be publicly shunned by most of society.

For a time in the early 2500’s it will be illegal to be gay, though at this time gay will mean...

Mon, 30 Apr 2012 17:54:10 -0400

For a time in the early 2500’s it will be illegal to be gay, though at this time gay will mean “Those who are sexually attracted to fish.”

When Jesus does return, he will actually be kind of a dick and most people will switch to Voodoo.

Mon, 30 Apr 2012 17:50:18 -0400

When Jesus does return, he will actually be kind of a dick and most people will switch to Voodoo.

By the year 3000 Koala bears will have gone extinct and will be believed to have only existed in...

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 01:35:17 -0400

By the year 3000 Koala bears will have gone extinct and will be believed to have only existed in myth and legend.

The people of Zimbabwe will all gain superpower due to cosmic rays, but they’ll only get...

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 22:45:29 -0400

The people of Zimbabwe will all gain superpower due to cosmic rays, but they’ll only get really lame ones like super smell, or super stretchiness.

While looking through an old vault buried deep underground, archaeologist will find one of the last...

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 04:18:00 -0400

While looking through an old vault buried deep underground, archaeologist will find one of the last working computers after the fourth great war in 2148. It its one of Tumblr’s servers. They will mistake it for actual important information and use it for the basis of much of their historical knowledge of our time.